i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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