Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
