You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
