If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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