just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
