btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
