In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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