1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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