HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize