Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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