I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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