how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
