apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
