They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
