he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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