woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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