dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my poor anus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
