Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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