Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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