god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
