Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
