he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
