I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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