omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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