Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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