He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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