just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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