If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
