i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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