Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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