No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
