I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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