i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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