Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
