It's Friday. Sex?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
