I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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