I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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