I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
