OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
