And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
