I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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