you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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