He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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