Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
