i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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