Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
