She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
