i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Boobs are out for the taking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
