So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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