please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize