that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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