She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
