we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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