the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
