I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
