He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
