i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
