I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
These tits shall not be calmed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
