no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Found the puke drawer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
