She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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