my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
