I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize