I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
