I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
sex in a hospital.. check
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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