I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
