I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
