you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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