in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
