Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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