i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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