do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
