I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
