Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
