Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
