I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
