A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
