so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
