No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
