if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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