You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
even my farts smell like vagina
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
