Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
