Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
