you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
