Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
