Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
