im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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