I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
