some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
