my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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