im having a threesome with these popsicles
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
