I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
