Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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