i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
