Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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