It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
