Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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