I wish you could order shots online.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
