Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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