Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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