my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
