I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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