If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
