Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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