Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
