This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
