He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
