I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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