Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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