After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
