a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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