please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
