I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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