Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
