I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i have two assholes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
