Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
