So drunk its hurt
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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