proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
